Friend or more ?

[RealSweet]

Ok so you have been friends with a person for years and he/she seems to always be there for you everytime you need him/her. But the strange thing about the so called friendship is that it turns from a more mutual friendship to a more imtimate friendship....meaning that it turns into "friends with benefit" relationship. Lets say you develop feelings for this person more than that of a friend. Would you tell the person how you feel or would you keep it to yourself in fear of losing the close friendship :?:

 

[RauCous]

I'd tell. More like warn lol I prefer they know than trying to hide it. I wont pressure them into anything at all. I wouldn't want them to find out some other way, i'm the kind thats easy to read so if i do feel that way they'd eventually figure it out. Its better for me if they'd know, even if nothing will become of me telling. But thats is only considering the kind of person they are. Some may think of it as a betrayal so it really depends on the person.

 

[EmpireKing]

I agree wit RauCous......its really better to tell them than keep it in.....nex ting u kno she gone wit sum fella den while they together she tell yuh that she was waiting on you to say sumthing an mak d first move :S

 

[RealSweet]

So wat would happen if you tell the person and the person starts to act differently around you??

 

[EmpireKing]

try to make it normal i guess....if she/he start acting b1tchy das dey problem....jus move on

 

[RealSweet]

lol I guess thats a way to go too.......

 

[mrkinky]

i think frenship is a very good base for a long term relationship

what u have to do is find otu where u and this person stand...wat sort of relationship u too have..seems likes its unspoken btween the 2 ppl....
talk about it..find out if the person wants a relationship to start with....then direct the conversation to personal feelings...but guide the convo so as to not put the other person in a spot where they can t answer or feel pressured..
if the 2 can talk about dat and end up together.....welllllll.........they haveanother very strong pillar of a great relationship->communication

 

[LadyDeath]

Ok so you have been friends with a person for years and he/she seems to always be there for you everytime you need him/her. But the strange thing about the so called friendship is that it turns from a more mutual friendship to a more imtimate friendship....meaning that it turns into "friends with benefit" relationship. Lets say you develop feelings for this person more than that of a friend. Would you tell the person how you feel or would you keep it to yourself in fear of losing the close friendship :?:

Now this is from our point of view dunno if this wud wud help realsweet but.....Well that have Happened to me with Ryan aka Admin we were friends from the beginning then we started to get closer and closer until we became best friends and then intimate friends....Both Of Us had feelings for eachother but we never thought that we felt the same way...yes we were afraid to ask but then until we realized that the feelings were too much and strong to contain that we had a talk explaining how we felt about eachother..this was a open conversation and we told eachother after we had this talk if we don't feel the same way we'd jus continue our friendship. Well when we realized that we liked eachother then magic happened lol ....The Point of the story is that its good to always be honest to someone and tell them how u feel because if you dont how will they ever know and they might move on having the same feelings for you thinking that you dont hav for them and then you realize that u shud of from the beginning

 

[RealSweet]

<<<we did spoke about it but he says that he is not ready at this point in his life for a relationship, but he continues to call me 5 times ah day and saying "i love u" and he gets jealous wen i am wit a "male" friend but say wat thats my life >>>

 

[LadyDeath]

So if he's not ready for a relationship why does he call u more than 5times??? and says he loves you and gets jealous??? lemme tell you allure in a relationship already cuz only a bf does them things the name is not there but the feelings are

 

[RauCous]

For real that dude is attached. You should really get him to be upfront about it. He shouldn't have the benefits if he wont admit what he wants. Unless he's completely terrified of being in a relationship he really should have told you his intentions by now. He really should know that you guys are pretty much there already... as far as you see it.

 

[Resha]

That guy must be real shy!!!!!!! I guess yuh could explain to him one more time and if he still wants to play the waiting game then tell him as it is... move on and jus maybe he mit come to his scences (is that a song~~)

 

[RealSweet]

ok i tried one last time tonight

I SAID :i have neva felt the way i does wen i am wit u, around u, or on the phone with you with anyone else and i really do have strong feelings for you but unlike urself my feelings towards you is more than a friend. i cant see my life without you, even doh most of the time i am moody i kno Y ok, iz becuase of the fact that I love someone with all my heart and THis person tHinks i am not ready for a relationsHip and does not see me in that way and its eating me insided, i does be up after we talk on the phone just thInking about wat if he feels the same way but the truth is i jus fooling myself because you dont love me in that way. wat am i suppossed to do?

HE SAID : u are supposed to have patience..u are supposed to talk to me..u are supposed to accept life as it is realise that we dont always get wat we want,i totally understand how u feel,and it hurts me too that i cant make u happy now..but i have to deal with my life right now..ok well i accept that u are ready for a relationship..i am just not,..look at my situation right now..i am not happy with my life right now,i am nto happy with who i am , i am not happy with d way things are happening to me..i dotn want it to affect anyone else either,i dont want to have to taek out my stress on anyone..that wont be fair,its my shit..i have to deal with it..

 

[RauCous]

Now we know why. Obviously he thinks he isn't ready for a relationship, most days i feel like he does. He has some self concept issues and you need to get him to the point were he realises that there isn't that much wrong with him. I'm not diagnosing him with what i think i have but his statement suggests he has some form of social anxiety. He is afraid of getting any deeper than he already is because he belives he might screw it up.
Belive him when he said its really hurting, he's torn between exposing you to his monsters, real or imaginary, and being alone and lonely without you..
He has to work on his self image, he has to belive that he is worthy of being in a relationship.

 

[LadyDeath]

True But what he doesn't know is that IF you are in a relationship with him and having someone to love and know that they are ur gf and care about you..he would feel very secure and actually one thing in his life is stable ...that would reminding him that not everythin in his life is screwed up..

 

[madsuya]

hey ah wonder if d relationship change or this story ended up happily ever after.

 

[RauCous]

I guess it depends on their self control and temperence. No matter how deep feelings may run unless the relationship is paced and fundamentals are laid it might lose its significance. I think that's what he was trying to say at first.

 

[madsuya]

ok Dr!!! I c

 

[RauCous]

lol I knew i should've put a disclaimer on that. lol. If it did happen i hope they didn't treat it as some kind of ultimatum.

 

[Wyspa]

Hmmm..this is a somewhat ticklish situation. It depends on the person and the relationship you both have. Its a gamble. If you tell the person, whether or not something blossoms out of it, your relationship IS going to change. Jump high jump low! If nothing matures, then they may feel a certain way. ie. Knowing how you feel, puts them in an awkward position when they're around you. Which in turn puts you in an awkward position. Things that you two may have done normally in the past now becomes taboo. Like the way you'd talk to each other or touch each other. If in fact, something does come out of you telling the other person, then kudos. You both had a good relationship as friends so the transition to a "couple" might be a lot smoother. But ultimately, facts are that, if you "do" tell them, it doesn't matter what the final outcome is; your relationship is going to change. One way or the other.