When Do Good Deeds Outweigh The Bad?

[Shadowhunter]

At what point does a person's good actions outweigh their bad ones?

Consider the following:

• "Forgiveness" is a pretty big deal in our society: when someone wrongs you, you should forgive them. People who admit to doing wrong are told to pray for forgiveness or hope those they have hurt will forgive them. There is even a saying: "it is easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission."

• People who break the law or violate rules are often forced to do community service for a certain period of time, after which they may resume their regular lives.

• Often times, people who have wronged others come back with an apology as a way to "right the wrong". However, sometimes they just gloss over what has been done as a matter in the past, and assume that by being nice all will be well or use previous good actions they've done to excuse the wrong.

• Criminals are released after doing hard time, where they are thought to be rehabilitated. Even those who are not repeat offenders are still judged by their past actions despite any attempts to "do good" by others. Sometimes convicts are accepted when enough people can acknowledge the good they have done since their crime. Sometimes criminals in court use previous good actions to try to cut down on their punishment.

In all of those examples, good deeds are expected to make up for or cancel out the bad. Should this always be the case? Is there a point to balance the good and bad? Does it matter at what points the good or bad actions are done to affect each other? What do you think?

 

[nirtime]

Simply put, people who have wronged others intentionally as is many of the cases today don't deserve to be forgiven. Most times these people would be forgiven but I've realised that forgiveness is just an acceptance of allowing the nonsense to continue. I'll reference an example: I was once friends with someone and when we graduated high school apparently that made him feel superior and he tried to speak to me like I was stupid and knew nothing about the interests that we had in common. He tried to take my kindness and offers to help for granted and kept asking more and more of me and heightened the disposition. I figured it wasn't normal so I didn't say anything but I silently forgave. After realising that it was not going to change, that is how this person is, I decided to just cut communication with my friend totally. He still tries to message me to find out information after an entire year of me having nothing to do with him has passed.
In this way the bad outweighs the good.

There are situations where a person will genuinely recognize what they are doing and actually change. The good outweighs the bad there.

 

[Shadowhunter]

Recognizing the changed part is tricky though. There are people who seem to genuinely change and then relapse into old behaviors despite seeming to be on a good streak. I don't like to take chances with that but unless you become totally antisocial, you can't always avoid it. It's difficult for me to get people to understand my logic here when people who do wrong are in their "good deeds" zone or have done good deeds in the past.

Examples:
-Someone invading your privacy by snooping through your correspondence or revealing private information to others, not doing it for a lengthy period of time while drawing attention to that, only to eventually do the same thing again at a later date in the future.
-Someone making threats repeatedly, claiming to have changed with a notably different demeanor and not be responsible for their actions, and then see them hurt a child they had threatened not very long after the "changed" time period.
-A drunk driver charged with DUIs, going through a clean streak and giving up alcohol to become a sober mentor to others, only to eventually have a relapse and get drunk again and cause an accident that takes someone's life.


I also believe that intentionally doing wrong is different. I wouldn't look at someone who fatally injured someone trying to kill them as a cold-blooded murderer, for instance. But I can't see someone accidentally hiring a criminal to kill or kidnap someone either.

 

[nirtime]

The logic is there, its the play on words thats partially confusion lol.

The thing is "changed" people 9/10 times seem very genuinely affected/changed but you never know what they will do behind your back as when you first discovered.

 

[grimreaper009]

people who claim they are changed lol is the ones you have to keep your eyes on the most as as shadow said the revert if it happens could bite really hard and cause alot of problems

 

[Shadowhunter]

I don't like taking that risk with those "changed" lol I've been burned many times by those before, but you can't know for certain unless you're willing to take that risk. It makes me wonder why people bother to do things they know aren't right in the first place, then there are those htat believe the end justifies the means no matter the cost etc. People are just confusing to me lol

 

[nirtime]

I don't like taking that risk with those "changed" lol I've been burned many times by those before, but you can't know for certain unless you're willing to take that risk. It makes me wonder why people bother to do things they know aren't right in the first place, then there are those htat believe the end justifies the means no matter the cost etc. People are just confusing to me lol

Yes you can know, look at their personality, are they are a schemer? User? Know their history? These and a lot of fine detail can reveal so much its not funny.

 

[Shadowhunter]

Yes you can know, look at their personality, are they are a schemer? User? Know their history? These and a lot of fine detail can reveal so much its not funny.

This is a problem I am told I have - I read too much into a person's good/bad deeds and am told everyone does bad things. I think if a criminal killed someone in cold blood, I would be wary around them in the event they did it again and avoid them outright. If someone physically harmed another person in a fit of rage I would be too afraid of angering that person and being their next victim to feel comfortable with them. If someone regularly used people and threw them under the bus to profit in some way, I would always be waiting for the other shoe to drop if they put on a good show in front of me.

I think if people do good things for others that is great, but it does not erase or balance out harmful things IMO. For me, it does not matter if the wrong was done once to a stranger, ten times to an annoying friend, only every 5 years, only 10 years ago, only once recently etc. What is done is done and to me, if you have it in you to make a conscious decision to do things like that once (or twenty times) you are very likely to have it in you to do it again. No matter how many good things you do in between the bad or how recent or long ago it was, I would still think that way.

Personality is really tricky for me. I've met people with the sincerest of personalities (seemingly) and when told certain things about them, it did not fit the image that was presented to me and I did not believe those things. Gradually the truth comes to light in those situations the closer you get to someone, but by that time it may be too difficult to notice when you identify that person as a friend or someone you closely relate to or have any sense of loyalty to; who wants to believe something bad about someone you feel comfortable with or feel you could vouch for? If I act on those things, there's the possibility in my mind that I may be overreacting or projecting my feelings from a completely different issue. I now exercise a lot of caution but it took being burned enough times to decide to use caution over trust.

 

[nirtime]

I've met people with the sincerest of personalities (seemingly) and when told certain things about them, it did not fit the image that was presented to me and I did not believe those things. Gradually the truth comes to light in those situations the closer you get to someone, but by that time it may be too difficult to notice when you identify that person as a friend or someone you closely relate to or have any sense of loyalty to; who wants to believe something bad about someone you feel comfortable with or feel you could vouch for?

It's all about expectation. If you have come to expect a certain level or certain characteristics from a person then yes it is easy to not believe otherwise. I have learned not to expect anything and so it doesn't surprise me when someone who seems one way is really another way. Sometimes a background check on that new friend you made doing hobby X and Y can go a long way in determining whether to befriend that person or not for what they are, be it good or bad.

In not expecting anything you will always remain in the middle ground, only relying on what you feel subconsciously about that person. (Basically the feelings can be either positive or negative, that is, fond or hate - based on this it is easy to decide whether to be/remain friends or not). At least that's how it is for me, this only works when you have enough information/detail to work with though.

 

[grimreaper009]

^^^^but it have instances where a person may have been bad to other ppl in the past but change for that one person who was there for them

 

[nirtime]

^^^^but it have instances where a person may have been bad to other ppl in the past but change for that one person who was there for them

Yes but thats another topic.

 

[grimreaper009]

:fencing:lololo

 

[nirtime]

:fencing:lololo

What an emoticon hahahhahaha!!!