Is Narcissism Common in Modern Times?

[nirtime]

I've been reading up a bit about narcissitic personality disorder and I am blown away... I feel as though I know people like that. Has it become common in today's society?

What are you thoughts? What are some symptoms you've noticed?

 

[Shadowhunter]

I know many narcissists IRL and those that possibly suffer from NPD can be truly frustrating to be around. I think firstly there is a difference between someone with narcissistic tendencies and someone with NPD. Also, not to be confused with narcissism, I think the ability to love and care for oneself is a healthy habit and form of self-awareness.

Personally, from dealing with some of these people, these are the most frustrating symptoms:

• Everything is about them. Or everything must be about them. A stranger makes a passing comment in a conversation to someone else that they overhear; it's about them. You make plans for an occasion that means a lot to you catering to what you like; why isn't it about them? You had a bad day; it's somehow about them. You had a good day; it's somehow because of them. You accomplish something; it's all because of them. You fail at something; it's because you didn't ask for their magical all-knowing answer.

• Can seem quite uncaring. Sometimes it can seem as though they are blind to your pain, joy, excitement, fear, nervousness etc. But the world must pick itself up and fall to their feet for whatever they're feeling. I would even go as far as to say they completely lack empathy (unless it's beneficial to them).

• Exploit. Exploit. Exploit. They put on a show that's all about how amazing they are, regardless at whose expense it is. They rarely, if ever, express genuine emotions with regard to true relationships, but will jump at every opportunity to use those around them regardless of what it costs or how that person feels. If doing it makes them look/feel good, bet your bottom dollar they'll do it. You don't matter. You practically don't exist. When your presence or duties are required for their benefit, you better come running because like I said, it's all about them.

Trust me that's not all. It's exhausting and emotionally draining, often crushing, to deal with people who truly have a narcissistic disorder. Self-love is necessary in my opinion. NPD? Stay far away. RUN.

 

[nirtime]

Everyone has to love themselves to be their best or even to survive to some extent but to say that everything must be on that person, well thats not right, it rings alarms that something is wrong.

I know what you mean, having experienced a similar thing a while back I know the feeling, its not a good thing and then when the person gets all they can out of you and realise you are of no help any longer, they just totally forget you like you never existed and go about their business on to the next opportunity.

Sometimes it can be said they are opportunists but I like to think they are just people that care nothing about anything or anyone except themselves. It is a very emotionally damaging experience especially for weaker personalities.

 

[Shadowhunter]

Everyone has to love themselves to be their best or even to survive to some extent but to say that everything must be on that person, well thats not right, it rings alarms that something is wrong.

I know what you mean, having experienced a similar thing a while back I know the feeling, its not a good thing and then when the person gets all they can out of you and realise you are of no help any longer, they just totally forget you like you never existed and go about their business on to the next opportunity.

Sometimes it can be said they are opportunists but I like to think they are just people that care nothing about anything or anyone except themselves. It is a very emotionally damaging experience especially for weaker personalities.

Yep. It can feel like they're emotional vampires; just sucking everything out of you until you're emotionally drained and exhausted. I don't think they're aware of their habits (or at least perhaps not mostly aware). To them, they are being perfectly reasonable and rational and everyone else is being difficult for no reason. There was a list of movies with narcissistic characters for examples and understanding on another forum. I'll see if I can find it and list them here as well. I found the examples were quite eye-opening in comparison to real life examples I know.

 

[nirtime]

Theres sometimes so many signs we miss that tell the whole story.

 

[Shadowhunter]

Here are the best links to lists of movies with narcissistic characters I found (I can't remember which forum I found the list I was referring to lol):
http://thenarcissisticlife.com/famous-narcissistic-movie-characters/
http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/movies-featuring-npd.html



Ones I can think of off the top of my head:

Mommie Dearest: The true story of narcissistic Joan Crawford, as told by her daughter Christina.

Tangled: NPD witch/adopted mother

Matilda: Narcissistic parents

Everybody Loves Raymond (series): Marie displays narc tendencies

Harry Potter (series): The Dursleys, Gilderoy Lockheart, The Malfoys to an extent

Girl Interrupted: Angelina Jolie's character

Gaslight: Gregory Anton







Symptoms from themayoclinic.com:

• Having an exaggerated sense of self-importance
• Expecting to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it
• Exaggerating your achievements and talents
• Being preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate
• Believing that you are superior and can only be understood by or associate with equally special people
• Requiring constant admiration
• Having a sense of entitlement
• Expecting special favors and unquestioning compliance with your expectations
• Taking advantage of others to get what you want
• Having an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others
• Being envious of others and believing others envy you
• Behaving in an arrogant or haughty manner

*Note: None of this information is intended to serve as diagnostic tools. Some narcissistic behavior is harmless, some can be dangerous. From my experience and research, true NPD can be quite destructive to those around the narc as well as to the narcissist. I refer mostly to malignant NPD.

 

[Shadowhunter]

Here's another great article on this topic:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/judith-acosta/nice-but-not-good-the-art_b_772965.html

 

[nirtime]

Since making this post I have noticed 0 narcissitic personalities, new record unlocked lol.

 

[Shadowhunter]

lol consider yourself lucky bro. Over the years I've been educating myself on things like this and have managed to identify some of these people and worked for a long time on ending those toxic relationships and establishing healthy ones with non-toxic people. It's difficult to identify if you don't know them well enough though. Many narcs can be quite friendly, super nice, and charming until you get under that superficial surface. For some it takes years, even decades to realize that it's a facade. I was fooled by many for a long time and excused their behavior believing that there is good in everyone (a mentality narcs use to their advantage to reel people in). If you haven't been affected by a narcissist yet, that's a good thing man lol very good!

 

[nirtime]

Oh you misunderstood me LOL. I meant, from the date I made this thread to present day I haven't met any. Prior to the day of making the thread well thats a different story. I knew a few but I recognize when things aren't right and I look at the smallest of details which help me to identify most of the time so thats also why I've been able to avoid them.

Narcs definitely do use the good in everyone to turn them against their reasoning and believe that the narcs are actually really cool and amazing people to get what they want. Then when people realise whats going on and they try to criticise and get away, the narcs retaliate by abusing these people. So I'm not lucky, I know how it is.

 

[Shadowhunter]

ahhhh I see lol we meet a lot of interesting people in life man, can't be helped. It's very, very good that you can identify and act accordingly early on. I have been quite slow with these things in the past lol

 

[nirtime]

Indeed, in the past you don't know its out there so you fall prey to it. Once you know whats out there and you're not afraid to make certain assumptions and then look for proof, you'll be alright.

 

[Shadowhunter]

Yup I the more I learn the more amazed I am by how easily these behaviors are overlooked by well meaning individuals, often to their detriment. All we can really do is keep learning and be empowered by that knowledge to avoid sticky situations with such people.

 

[nirtime]

Yup I the more I learn the more amazed I am by how easily these behaviors are overlooked by well meaning individuals, often to their detriment. All we can really do is keep learning and be empowered by that knowledge to avoid sticky situations with such people.

Even when we can't avoid it, we must prime ourselves to recognize the way out. I know a lot of people who were once victims, one of them is still a victim and I feel it for him but he has become a very strange character with not much substance so I have very little dealings with him.

Its amazing how a narcissitic personality can damage a perfectly fine individual who falls prey.

 

[Shadowhunter]

Very true. I know people who are not at all as they were before falling prey to narcissistic relationships. Narcissists are quite charming and extremely nice before they reel you in though, and often times even when they've hooked on to their victim and the damage is evident, they gaslight their victims into thinking they're crazy and manipulate people to encourage them and enable what's going on. The best form of contact with a narc IMO is none.

 

[Shadowhunter]

Since this thread was started, I've identified two narcs:

Mr. Walter Keane from Big Eyes

and

Lionel Luther in Smallville

 

[nirtime]

Since this thread was started, I've identified two narcs:

Mr. Walter Keane from Big Eyes

and

Lionel Luther in Smallville

Wow, yeah Luther really was a narc, always had to have his way now that I think about it.

 

[Shadowhunter]

He's scary at times lol I thought he would be nice after awhile but nope! Back to the scary mannerisms!

 

[nirtime]

He's scary at times lol I thought he would be nice after awhile but nope! Back to the scary mannerisms!

The trade mark of Lex lol. You make me feel to watch SmallVille now...

 

[Shadowhunter]

I've gotten pretty far down. There are some scary folks on that show! lol But I do like how they cover certain topics. Take out the meteor effects and they actually cover manipulation, brainwashing, drugs, the wrong crowds, etc. I think some of the bad guys have been narcs, but limiting them to the one episode appearances keep them from doing worse damage.